


Darkest Night

by Elke Tanzer (elke_tanzer)



Category: Stargate (1994)
Genre: Alien Sex Toys, Aliens Make Them Do It, Hurt/Comfort, Missing Scene, Non Consensual, Other, my first explicit fanfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-08-16
Updated: 2001-08-16
Packaged: 2017-10-02 22:54:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elke_tanzer/pseuds/Elke%20Tanzer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Missing scenes from the special edition director's cut of the movie.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Darkest Night

**Author's Note:**

> This story features a popular character doing what he needs to do to survive, during a long night with a domineering god-creature who holds all the cards. This subject matter may be disturbing to some readers; you have been warned!
> 
> How much time passes in the Stargate movie between the evening audience of Daniel Jackson and Jack O'Neill with Ra, and the public assembly for the soldiers' executions the next late-morning? A single day on Abydos is, after all, 36 hours. And there has to be a reason for Ra's impractical-seeming shoes!
> 
> Most of the dialogue in this story should be spoken in Abydonian, but since I am not expert in that sort of translation, I have used English instead... :)
> 
> Heartfelt thanks to my beta readers; you know who you are! Thanks for the encouragement to write my first explicit fanfic!

"There can be only one Ra."

I felt Catherine's amulet torn from my throat, but I was too lost in my own thoughts to notice Ra leaving.

He thought I was wearing the amulet to impersonate him? This creature, submerged in and permeated by his own godhood for millenia... thought I was trying to... oh, this was bad. My clothing, aside from the charred hole, had been cleaned. My body, damaged by the staff-weapon blast beyond human medicine's repair, had been healed. But I had been spared simply as a means to maintain his control over the local population... to murder my companions as a testament to his might, his rule.

There had to be some way to salvage the situation. I couldn't murder the rest of the team, could I? To save the lives of all of the people who had welcomed us to Abydos? To trade a handful of lives for thousands?

Those thousands would live out their lives in abject servitude to this boy-creature...

I couldn't kill O'Neill and the rest. But I couldn't stand by and watch the alternative. There had to be another option.

Turning, I ignored the guard who had ominously stepped forward to watch me, and followed Ra between the curtains and pillars into yet another chamber. I tried to ignore the hard stares from his guards, and the curious glances from his younger servants and attendants.

He turned slowly, fury still evident on his impossibly youthful features. After so many centuries of intimidating humans, he sure did have the act down.

I licked my lips, not really certain how to begin. But if I could just get him talking... I let my statement fade on a questioning note, "You are truly the god Ra embodied..."

He stared at me, then slowly nodded once.

"My lord, there has been a misunderstanding..."

Uh, oh. His eyes were getting that sizzling glow again, and that couldn't be good.

"...I am sure it is my fault."

That went over a little better... but I got the feeling that any lie I could come up with would be detected by him. After enslaving humanity for as long as this creature seemed to have done, I was sure he had plenty of insight into reading body language that I wouldn't even know I was using.

"The amulet... ah, its meaning... my people wear such faith symbols for protection, for luck, for blessings and the goodwill of the power invoked by its symbol. I intended no disrespect by wearing it."

He was starting to look a little less angry... that was good, right?

"My people have become accustomed to unseen and mysterious gods, who provide little evidence of their presence in exchange for our faith."

He tilted his head slightly, "You wished my blessings on your journey?"

"Yes, my people did not know what to expect on this side of the stargate."

"Your people came here to destroy me."

How could I refute that?

"I did not know that we brought the weapon. I came here as an explorer, nothing more."

He seemed interested, at least...

"You have not made yourself known to us for a long time. We have had to fend for ourselves, and for some, that means trying to destroy what they do not understand." That at least was completely true.

"You will not refuse me. You will kill the others in the assembly tomorrow."

"I have never killed before. And I could not be sure you were who you seemed. Please forgive me for doubting your presence." That was my big gamble. If he believed that my earlier attitude was simply because I did not know or did not accept who he was, then there might be some chance of winning his confidence.

"So you do not refuse me now."

I bowed my head, unwilling to meet his gaze, trying not to show any resistance. There had to be a way out of this!

While I frantically thought myself in circles, he was quiet, then, "If you amuse me this night, I may allow you to kill the others quickly, with mercy." He paused again. "If you do not amuse me, you will kill each of them more slowly and painfully than the last."

Oh, that sounded really bad...

"Do not doubt my ability to control you. I have much experience with your race."

I swallowed. Once. Twice. My throat didn't seem to be cooperating, and my mouth was incredibly dry. "I do not doubt you."

Quick deaths? Mercy? This sounded like a slightly better option than the others he had given me... but how was I supposed to amuse him?

"We shall see."

I could almost blame the icy chill running down my spine on the desert night. Almost. But I was stupid enough to look up at him, and it happened again.

"You will willingly submit this night. You will do as you are told tomorrow. You know the consequences for the people here if you do not." He slowly smiled, which made me feel worse, "Now understand the consequences of any failure for you. You were dead. I willed you to life. I can do this as many times as there are ways to kill you, and I will relish proving this to you should you even consider resisting me. Do you understand?"

Willingly submit to what?

This did not sound good. But what choice did I have? He simply watched me, the small, secretive smile that I was quickly learning to dread hovering at his mouth. I hoped that my expression wasn't giving anything of my thoughts away.

Perhaps, if I could do whatever he wanted, there would be a chance for escape later.

Perhaps he might change his mind about sending the bomb and the mineral shipment back to Earth.

Perhaps he might change his mind about treating humanity as slaves all these millenia, and we could negotiate some kind of treaty with him.

Right...

Perhaps I would at least be allowed to live to see the next sunset.

I'd already been dead once, and if he killed me again, there was no guarantee that he would revive me. If I bored him, I was pretty sure he would kill me, like a child tossing away a toy fallen from favor.

I took a deep breath, trying to still the sinking sensation deep in my guts.

Some things in life are horrible, and there is no way to get through them except simply surviving them. Put your rational mind deep within yourself, close a big strong box around it, and let the horror happen to the unthinking survival instinct within yourself that comes to the fore. This just might be one of those times.

If this being, this god, wanted my submission in exchange for my next day's life, for mercy for my companions, for any chance of survival and escape, then I would somehow do this.

Now, what did he want me to do?

How did his guards show him their reverence...

I was sure my voice would either tremble or crack if I answered him aloud, so I kept silent. I tried to calm my breathing, but it wasn't working very well. Looking into his eyes didn't help me any, but I needed him to see that I was not resisting.

I held his unreadable gaze as I slowly knelt, then deliberately chose a point on the floor at his feet to study as I bowed my head.

Oh, god, he was laughing...

 

"You have advanced much, but not beyond showing proper respect. You amuse me, human."

I amuse him? I guess that's good...

He made some signal, because the young attendant boys approached and started removing my clothing. Being washed by the older women just the night before was disquieting enough; this was just plain frightening.

Every silent voice in my head was screaming at me to back away, to bat them away from the buttons and zipper... to keep flesh from being exposed and to run like hell as far away as possible from the older-than-he-seemed boy who just seemed to be watching me impassively.

But I already knew that any form of resistance he saw would be paid for dearly.

So I tried to push the panic aside, away. Tried not to remember the group home before I was placed with foster parents and the boys' scary secret initiations. Tried not to remember overhearing unnerving locker room conversations and then making sure I wasn't ever alone in there with certain jocks in college. Tried not to see the three very large, very muscular guards with their smug sneers and their staff weapons standing just a few meters away. Tried not to cower or shudder or otherwise advertise my fear.

The boys finished, neatly folding my clothing and taking it and my glasses with them as they left. Their soft footfalls fading on the polished floor echoed softly, whispering my darkest fears in my mind.

Time to stop thinking.

Kneeling naked before an ancient god and his brutish minions is not something I want to analyze, to consider, or to remember...

All I need to do is survive this. To not resist this. Whatever this was.

If I can get through this, somehow some better option will present itself. Hang on to that thought and lock your mind away from whatever is about to happen...

Ra has moved over to some sort of cushioned pedestal, sitting down and arranging his robes slowly. He has spoken, and I have not heard him. I hope he wasn't telling me to do something, or I've already gotten myself into trouble. More trouble. Whatever. I close my eyes against the sound of something metallic striking the floor off to one side of me, and muffled fabric sounds.

Footsteps coming closer.

A hand under my chin, raising my face... do I dare open my eyes?

Then Ra's silky, sinister voice... drawing out the rolling ell and sibilant ess like unwanted caresses, "Pleasure him."

At that I do open my eyes, and from my position I'm about crotch-to-eye level with the smaller of his three guards. Only he's not small at all, and he isn't wearing anything there. To avoid looking at that particular bit of him, my eyes travel upward. His expression is difficult to read, but he places one burly hand behind the nape of my neck and pulls my face closer to his groin.

Oh.

OK... it's not like I haven't ever considered doing this sort of thing voluntarily... I mean, everyone has all sorts of fantasies, right? But under the circumstances, it's a lot unnerving. If I don't please this guy, what are they going to do to me?

Stop thinking...

I start to raise my hands to his hips, to steady myself, then pause, realizing that perhaps I should ask permission to do that, or at least make sure they both know that I am not trying to push myself away from him... but when I look up, the guard nods once, slowly.

I catch the scent of unfamiliar spices, and encounter slightly oiled, incredibly muscled skin under my hands. Now I really need the added stability. Not quite ready to open my mouth, or deal with what my mind is trying to think about that development, I rub my face across his hardening cock. He throws his head back a fraction and lets out a controlled sigh.

OK, that wasn't so hard. Difficult. Whatever...

Stop thinking... just do what you have to do.

Starting simply. Nuzzling, nibbling. Then licking. Giving myself a little break by rubbing my cheek up and down his length. Then parting my lips and sucking him in, slowly. A few centimeters at a time. He tastes a little of cinnamon, and a little of salt. I'm sure there are worse combinations...

I back off, then take him in deeper and deeper until I am making long, slow passes up and down him.

He growls softly, low and long in the back of his throat. The hand at my neck has not moved, but it is starting to tighten with regularity. I adjust my motions to keep pace, hoping that I'm reading his signals right. I increase the tempo, and swirl my tongue a little on the underside of him on each thrust.

The only sound in the room is me struggling for breath, and him softly groaning, deep, in time with my thrusts down his length.

And apparently I am not disappointing him, because he starts to pulse his hips forward to meet my mouth, with growing insistence. He's not a small man, and my jaw is starting to get sore, but something tells me that pausing or pulling back would not be a smart thing to do right now.

I wonder how long I am physically capable of maintaining this rhythm...

His hand tightens suddenly on my neck, and I find I cannot pull away even slightly and he pushes his cock far down my throat and comes in sudden spasms.

Since I can't and won't pull away, I'm left with the swallowing option. But his enthusiasm has sent some down my windpipe. I think. In any case I'm about to choke.

His grip on me shifts just in time and pushes me back on my haunches.

I'm left sputtering and coughing and trying not to look like I'm about to throw up.

Ra's voice again, "Clean him", and the darkest of the guards has approached with some sort of basin of water with a cloth floating in it, and sits it beside me on the floor.

Still wheezing a little, I reach for the wet cloth. Surprisingly there is not much to clean on him, I must have managed to swallow most of it. Don't think about that, Danny, you really don't want to dwell on this...

Somehow I manage to speak, even though I can't raise my eyes, "May I wash my face?"

"Proceed."

I use the other part of the cloth to wipe at my cheeks and lips. Somehow it helps. Placing the cloth back in the basin, I don't know what to do next. I place my hands on my thighs, then slowly look up at the guard I've just given my first blow-job to.

He looks a little flushed, but is otherwise unreadable. Shit. And the silence in here is deafening. Got to say something... and it's got to be self-effacing and eloquent and polite and all sorts of other words my brain won't string together right now.

A quick, deep breath. OK, then...

"My apologies if I have not pleased. My inexperience is my inadequacy."

Then, and only then, do I allow myself to look back at the floor.

I am beginning to really hate listening to Ra laugh.

I try to remain still, to calm myself, to let his laughter roll over me and not slam into me with the force of a full-blown panic. Hey, if he's laughing, he must be amused... and keeping him amused is my best hope.

But he's gotten up from the cushioned thing he was sitting on, and is slowly walking around me.

"You did not enjoy yourself."

"What?"

I can't help it. I have to turn my head and look at him, and there is no way I can hide my expression, I'm incredulous.

"You say you are inexperienced."

"Yes."

"And you did not enjoy yourself."

I didn't know I was supposed to. Was allowed to. But saying that may get me into trouble...

"You did not wish to do as I commanded."

Well, duh. I don't normally have sex with people I don't know, for god's sakes, much less in front of an audience. For that matter, I don't normally have sex with anyone very often... but how do I answer him?

"I did not hesitate."

"You feel nothing, and you allow yourself to be used."

When presented with no other options... damn it, this was worse than doing the act itself. I curse my complexion as I feel myself blushing, and look away.

"You abase yourself at my whim."

I keep silent.

Ra continued to walk around me, until he stood directly in front of me, a few steps away.

"Humiliation becomes you."

Oh, shit. I could hear the smile in his voice without looking up. He tapped one toe a few times against the floor, and I could have sworn I saw some sort of a glow from whatever kind of shoe thing he was wearing, just under the edge of his robe. And then he was walking away, around me again, and the guard who had brought the water basin was taking off his clothing and moving to stand in front of me.

"Again." His voice was just behind me, off to my left.

OK.

I got through it once, I could do it again, right? A deep breath to try to steady myself, shifting a little to try to ease bruising to my knees, and then the guard's hands were on my shoulders like a huge pair of vices, moving my mouth into position.

I began as I had with the other one, but this one was rougher with me. He obviously knew exactly what he wanted and was not going to give me the opportunity to give him anything else.

Struggling for breath against the rhythm he set, doing my best to flick my tongue against his tip each time he pushed me away, I felt movement behind me... under me. What the hell?

Something hard and strangely shaped was prodding my balls from behind... that toe? Suddenly warmth, tingling pressure began to build.

The guard's hands did not allow me to change the rhythm, though I coughed for air against the sudden rush of my own arousal.

What had Ra done? What was he doing? My erection was growing faster than I could have believed, and its suddenness had me nearly thrusting into the air from frustration. I caught myself in time, but the urge was still strong, and growing.

And whatever was nudging around under me was causing it.

So much for calm control...

It took all I had just to keep my breathing steady enough to actually get air.

The guard shifted his grip on me, taking my head between his hands and forcing my face deeper into his crotch with every thrust.

Oh, god, please let me breathe... the room was starting to spin when he spasmed, locking my skull against his pelvis until it felt like he would push himself through the back of my throat. I swallowed what I could, inhaled the rest into my burning lungs, and he stepped away.

He left me gasping, coughing for air, and looking down at my own erection, now throbbing and hot with need.

I felt Ra move away behind me. That seemed to lessen the tingling sensation a little, was the arousal starting to fade just a bit?

"Did you enjoy yourself this time?"

Ummm...

"Whatever that was... it was intense, but not natural..."

He walked around me, and I could practically feel his eyes looking at every bit of my exposed skin. I feel his jewelry-encased fingertip trace my jawline.

His delicate foot has found its way between my thighs, and this time, I see the glow clearly. Whatever that thing is, it is very intense. I fight back a moan and end up holding my breath, waiting for a plateau, a pause in the sensations, but it just builds and builds until I have to cry out.

"You cannot control your reactions. I control your thoughts, your impulses. You understand now why it is so futile to resist my commands."

I was still short of breath, and even his fingertip was not helping any. I felt myself panting, sweat starting to stand out against my skin.

"I do not... resist..."

"Good. Now, you will try."

What? He's just said that it is impossible not to be controlled, and now he wants me to resist him?

He is lifting my chin with his fingertip, forcing me to look at his eyes.

"You will pleasure my first prime. I demand a lovers' performance from you for him, not simple servitude. You adore him, you are desperate to please him. However, you will not find release yourself. Do not disappoint me."

The burning, sizzling intensity of his eyes takes what was left of my breath away.

Then he moves away, leaving me with an impossible ache in my balls and my pulse pounding in my ears in cadence with my throbbing dick.

Then the third guard is approaching me, and the look on his face is one of disdain.

He takes me roughly by the arm, lifts me to my feet. Then a push, shoving me to the floor beside a cushioned platform, a bed?

He strips off his clothing and lies down on his back, his fingers laced loosely behind his head, his whole attitude saying, 'just try to bring me off, I won't give you the satisfaction.'

Great...

I think I understand the game now. Well, this part of it anyway. I'm so wired I can barely see straight, and I'm supposed to pounce on him like a starved animal. And he's not going to react. And I'm going to drive myself nuts trying to make him react. And then it's a contest of wills.

And I've already been told that I cannot win.

I cannot resist whatever that glowing thing is that has given me the most intense erection of my life, which shows no signs of diminishing any time soon.

I think I now have a deeper understanding of Ra's tastes in amusements.

I glance over to him, and he has settled himself on the pedestal-cushion thing again. An echo of his earlier smile taunts me.

Why do I get the feeling that all of the boys and men he has surrounded himself with are very familiar with this game of his?

I take one shuddering breath, meeting his gaze fully. If this is what amuses him, I might as well give him the full show, not trying to hide the struggle going on with my own body, my own sensations, and my mind.

His lips curl into the familiar smile which, by now, I really hated.

OK...

I stand, turning to the game at hand.

How I would go about a seduction of a willing but reserved partner? I begin by running my hands over him, starting from his legs and working my way upward. Massaging, skimming, changing my touch randomly hoping for any indication of a reaction. I stay away from his crotch for now... I'm sure he expects me to latch onto that right away, and I don't intend to give him the satisfaction.

The taste of his skin is disorienting me. I try my best not to touch my more sensitive bits anywhere on his skin, the heat of that kind of contact would send me into a quivering heap on the floor right now. Concentrate on him, don't think about the pulsing, throbbing madness running rampant in your body...

He seems to like rougher, harder touches. I wish I were more musclebound, this was going to get exhausting. I switch to planting little kisses all over him, trailing my tongue along his skin, nipping at him. I find the curve of his neck, along his collarbone, and he finally begins to breathe a little deeper, faster, and I risk a glance at his cock to see the first stirrings there.

Well, that was something.

I move between his legs, kneading his inner thighs and practically inhaling mouthfuls of flesh. I kiss and bite my way up one leg, down the other, back up to his crotch. Since my jaw was sore from the other two, I settle for licking the length of him and putting my hands to good use.

He's getting there, but not hard yet. Oh. That means that he's going to get even bigger. No wonder this guy's so sure of himself...

I take him into my mouth, and he lets out a little grunt. I'm not sure if that is a good sign or not, but I continue, kneeling between his legs and putting everything I learned from the first two guys into practice with him.

It may just be that glowing gadget talking, I'm not sure any more, but giving head is starting to be a very erotic experience for me. It would be so easy to lose myself in the rhythm, rub myself against the hard muscle of his leg...

Damn! I can't let myself do that... I pull my crotch away from his calf. Must think about something, anything, else!

If I am able to move my jaw at all by morning, it will be a miracle.

That's an idea to hang onto... morning. When I am probably going to have to kill the rest of the team that came through the stargate with me. That is a really unpleasant thought, but I need all of those I can right now, because this guy is not responding to me the way the other two did, not even close. But he is responding. I just have a long, long way to go.

So, up and down and massaging and grasping with my hands, I try to concentrate on anything except the repetition, the swirling of my tongue against his hot flesh, the wet, sucking sounds I am making without intending to.

O'Neill. He would never believe what I am doing. Would never understand. Will probably never know, given that I'm supposed to kill him in the morning. Kowalski. Probably more of a straight arrow than O'Neill. Would probably beat the crap out of me for even considering doing what I have to do now for a chance to survive. Ferreti. Would probably be laughing until he couldn't breathe any more...

Well, if I don't do this, then they won't have any chance at all of living to hear about it. As it is, they probably don't have much of a chance of living through this anyway.

General West. Would probably drop dead of a heart attack if he could see me now. Catherine... how would Catherine react? Of all of them, she might understand. You do what you have to do.

I wonder if I should tell any of them about it if we all somehow manage to survive all this and get back to Earth?

Finally, I'm getting more of a reaction of out this big lunk. His breath is more ragged, and his hands are clenched into fists at his sides.

I wonder if he's going to push me away if I somehow get close to winning this game of Ra's?

I run my hands up the sides of his ribcage, and he lets out his first actual groan. About time, muscle boy.

Thinking about other things has helped distract me, but that groan has brought me back to the here and now. Not good.

Can't let myself get drawn in...

But his skin is starting to heat up, and the taste of him has changed. I can't help it.

I begin to rub against him, sending jolts of raw sensation through me. Unbelievable intensity.

My tongue's frenzied movements fall into a pattern which only arouses me more.

His occasional groans have turned to more or less continuous moaning, in time with his shuddering breaths and my mouth's thrusting and pulling. I move one hand to cup his balls, massaging the points where Ra's toe had been earlier on myself. He tenses, then moans long and loud.

The sound of him has me at the boiling point. Sweat drenches both of us, and he finally reaches his hands toward my shoulders.

Is he going to stop me?

He pulls my mouth away from him. Not fair, not fair at all. But then, I knew my place in this game from the start, now, didn't I?

He pulls my face up, looks me straight in the eye, and then uses one fist to cuff me upside the head.

I see stars, and the room spins. What the hell?

I turn back toward him, and he grins. Then, slowly, proving he can, he interlaces his fingers behind his head and lays back, closing his eyes.

The bastard.

I'm panting, gasping, and now dizzy. Great. And he's trying to convince me that I'm back at square one as far as getting him off.

Well, I can play that, too. I pounce on his neck, nipping and biting every sensitive corner I can find. They want to see an educated, civilized man turned into a primal, desperate animal while still fighting to keep control of himself, well, I'm gonna give them what they want.

I guess I manage to take him somewhat by surprise, because when I glance at his face, his eyes have fluttered open and he starts to moan again. Good.

We are both so hot and so drenched by now that I am slipping and sliding on the sheen between our bodies. That gives me an idea...

I lay down on top of him, squirming and thrusting and wiggling... this feels amazing. I know I am getting close to my own climax, but I've put out a good effort and I'm only human after all... biting and licking and kissing and he tosses his head from side to side... is he whispering a word? He is... two syllables... aha.

I answer his unspoken no with "Yes..." and his body starts to go rigid. That alone sends me over the edge, and we climax together, hot fluids gushing between us. The incredible throbbing from Ra's device subsides a bit, which is a relief, but it starts to turn into a slow burn that seems to spread outward from my center like an acid wildfire.

I am left breathless, gasping for air against his neck, feeling his pulse and his muscles twitching beneath me.

He recovers before me, and dumps me unceremoniously onto the floor. I look up to see him kneeling, his head bowed to Ra, who watches with a very strange look on his face.

I guess if I can get my body working again, I should kneel as well. I do so, awkwardly, and I hear Ra's laughter again.

"You have disobeyed me."

I bow my head. I had known this was coming, but it didn't make it any easier.

"But you have also surprised me. It is rare that this race ends in a draw."

OK, rare is good. Does this count as amusing him?

He makes some signal, and the other two guards pick me up and place me on my back on the bed.

The bastard leaves, in a hurry. I wonder if he has displeased his master, and if so, what will happen to him. Hopefully it will be something unpleasant and not involving me.

"You will be punished for your disobedience, but you have been entertaining this night. You will have the honor of choosing the means of death for your former companions."

Oh. That's good, I think. Except for the punishment part. But what am I doing on the bed? If he thinks I've got any energy left for more games, he's not as observant as I thought.

The bastard returns, with a strange box. He kneels, holding the box above him, and Ra reaches into the box. This doesn't look good. That's when I realize that the other two guards are holding me down to the bed, one at my wrists, above my head, and the other at my ankles. Oh, shit...

Ra approaches, and I can't think of anything to say or do other than begging... "Please, have mercy, I did not intend to displease you..."

He has something on his hand, and it is glowing. Oh, god, this was going to be bad.

He reaches toward my crotch, palm up approaching my balls. This was going to be really, really bad.

I wish I would just look away, so I don't have to see what he's about to do... my abdominal muscles contract involuntarily, trying to protect myself. Futile.

Orange sparking things in the glow. Pain. Agony. Excruciating. Someone screaming.

Vision fading.

Laughter.

Darkness.

 

I fight for consciousness, and come to curled up tightly, echoes of pain in every nerve ending, nauseous.

There is a small horde of boys with basins and cloths, and my clothing and glasses, standing around me...

I slowly uncurl myself, wishing the dampness on my cheeks was not there.

Luckily the guards were nowhere to be seen. I was intimidated enough by the oldest of the bath boys touching me, but they gently washed all evidence of the night's activities from me and got me dressed. I had to show them how all the fastenings worked.

One of them took me by the hand and led me to Ra's bath chamber, where he was just having the last of his ornaments added. I notice the amulet hanging around his neck, and shiver.

"You will kill those who came through the gate with you. Now. You will attend the celebration afterwards. And then you will provide me with another evening's entertainment."

Oh, god...

Too late, I realized I had spoken it aloud.

He smiled. "I knew you would accept me sooner or later. It pleases me that it is now."

I close my eyes. There has got to be some way out of this, or I'm going to have to kill myself. I cannot live with myself if I have to be his plaything until he tires of me.

"Come, choose their method of death..."

I blindly follow him, to a low table where a number of unrecognizable weapons are laid out, guarded by the smaller guy from last night. Lovely. I can't look at him.

"If you would choose a merciful death, use this." He hands me a staff-weapon as I am startled into looking at his face. There is something hidden there, behind his cold eyes. How many times has he had to play Ra's games? Do I have an unlikely ally?

I take the staff from him, and he shows me how to use it, while Ra finishes readying himself for the execution assembly. I notice that the guard makes a point of showing me what the business end of the weapon looks like when it is armed, and surprisingly, I can look down the barrel of the thing while still barely having my finger on its trigger. Interesting that his demonstration would show me this...

He takes the weapon back from me, leads me to a point just inside the shadow in the entrance, and tells me to wait there.

I watch the guards and the bath boys walk into the sunlight, even brighter than I remember it.

Some of the darkest moments of my life were last night, and I don't want to be in that darkness ever again.

I step into the light, wondering if I could actually execute the team and then myself.

From the looks on their faces, they had thought me dead.

Well, they're just about right.

The bastard is standing beside me, handing me a staff weapon and shouting at me. I take it, lost in my thoughts. Turning, I walk down the ramp towards the men.

Then, I am nearly blinded by a flash of light, brighter than the blazing day. What was that? There it is again...

I look past O'Neill and the rest, my eyes scanning the crowd without turning my head. What was causing that flash?

The boy O'Neill had tried to shake hands with. And Sha'uri. And he was pulling aside his robe... how on Earth? But then, of course, we weren't on Earth. Funny how I keep having to remind myself that... But now I need to focus. My earlier plan was better than being Ra's plaything, but the boy's plan looked better. I wished every single one of the people in the crowd had a whole armory full of guns under their robes.

OK then. I don't have to kill them... Not dying sounds good, which means that I have to turn, at the last minute, and try to hit either Ra or the bastard.

I arm the staff, and O'Neill jumps. Not much, but enough to know that he thought I was actually ready to kill him. At least that meant that I probably had Ra fooled, as well...

Time to break out of here...

I turn, but don't have steady aim. I hoped I hadn't hit any of the bath boys. And then the gunfire, everywhere. Staff blasts, everywhere.

Someone grabs me, spins me around. Oh, god, I still felt nauseous, and everything ached. Something thrown over me. Running, being pulled along...

And then a big mastadge. O'Neill already aboard. Climbing up behind him, hands pushing me up from behind.

Blasts behind us sending stinging sand against our backs. Up and over a dune, away from the noise, away from the crowd. Away from Ra and his guards.

Away from the darkness.

Riding a galloping mastadge after a night like last night would make anyone retch, right?

"Hang on, damn it!"

OK, Colonel O'Neill, yes, sir, I'll do that. Just as soon as I can get my muscles to work, and my guts out of my mouth...

He grabs my clothing and hauls me up farther onto the beast's back. That's a little more stable, thank you sir...

I must have passed out.

 

I wake up and it is darker, blowing sand getting into eyes, nose, ears, mouth. I struggle to move fabric over my face to protect it from the stinging grains, hanging onto the mastadge as it trudges onward. I realize that O'Neill has a hold on my robe, and has probably been keeping me on the beast for however long we have ridden.

O'Neill shouts back at me, "Daniel, hang on! And stay awake, damn it, this storm is getting nasty!"

At least I had noticed the storm.

We rode on for what seemed like hours. The wind got stronger, the sandstorm more furious.

When the wind got too strong for us to stay on the mastadge, O'Neill helped me down and we walked behind it, grateful for its meager shelter from the blasting sand.

I was exhausted, reeling both from the escape and what I had escaped from, thirsty and hungry, although I didn't think my stomach would keep anything I tried to give it, anyway. How long had it been since I'd had food or water?

Memories of the night before were starting to come unbidden into my mind. I heard Ra's laughter on the crescendo howl of the wind.

No, please, don't let him take me again...

If I were a superstitious man, I would think that Ra was controlling the storm, finding another way to punish me. Finding another way to control me. Finding another way to catch me, trap me, have me...

I barely felt the impact as I fell.

When O'Neill shouted at me, he spoke with the voices of Ra's guards.

Darkness swirled around me, threatening.

Were those the hands of the bath boys, leading me out of the storm?

This was too much... but I didn't have the strength to pull away.

No, they were dirty. Not manicured and gilded with makeup. The boys from the mine?

We entered a cave, and I collapsed against the wall, noticing happy faces around a fire.

Sha'uri's luminous face suddenly appeared beside me, offering me water, although I tried to drink it too fast.

I have never tasted anything sweeter in my life.

 

O'Neill was shouting about something. I tried to focus on the conversation as I sipped more water, then took a deep breath, "Why don't you tell them everything, why don't you tell them about the bomb..." My voice was soft and hoarse, my throat raw.

Now it was up to the soldiers to deal with their Colonel. At least I wouldn't be the only one to know about it... but they didn't know Ra was going to send it back to Earth. They were talking about O'Neill's secret orders, and they didn't understand.

"Well, your bomb is his bomb now. And tomorrow he's going to send it back to Earth, along with a shipment of that mineral they mine here. And when that thing goes off, it will cause an explosion a hundred times more destructive than that bomb alone is capable of."

Intercept it. Right, Colonel, sir. I'm sorry, but you have no clue at all of what you're up against.

Wait. O'Neill was going to stay behind and blow up the gate... all along... he knew he would never see Earth again when he came through the stargate...

"It's the gate on Earth that poses a threat. That's the one we have to shut down."

His voice hits me like a fist to the belly, "You're absolutely right. But since you don't know how to get us back, we don't have that option, do we!"

So this is somehow my fault, that the seventh symbol was worn away by time. That I can't get us home, so he wants to blow us all to kingdom come. I managed to survive last night with my wits intact enough to save your butt, Colonel, sir, and you're ready to throw it all away.

I look down, trying to figure out if he has any concept of what I've been through, or that I still found, deep within me, a resonating desire to live. To prove to myself that Ra did not control me, to prove that the lives of these people in this cave meant something. To prove that their years of slavery, and their ancestors', to the whims of that sadistic creature were not in vain...

When I look up, he is gone.

But Sha'uri is there, and her face speaks volumes of her concern. She hands me some sort of flatbread, and more water.

She is so beautiful.

I do not want her to die. I do not want to die myself. Merely two nights ago we had lost ourselves in conversation, and the passage of time ceased. I wanted that again... and again and again. Who would've thought that geeky Dr. Daniel Jackson, linguist and bookworm, laughed out of his chosen profession, would travel halfway across the known universe to finally find someone who really listened to him?

"I must speak with O'Neill..." I mutter to myself, and she nods. But before she lets me go, she hands me a cloth to clean up a little more. I didn't want to think about what I looked like at this point, but the cool fabric wet against my face helped clear my mind a little.

"Thank you, Sha'uri..."

A simple nod from her, but I know she is very happy that I am alive. Well, that makes two of us and I'd like to stay alive, so I had better go talk to O'Neill.

I shed the dusty desert robes and made my way deeper into the cave to find him.

He was hunched over another fire, just staring into it. How could I possibly relate to this man?

"You had accepted the fact that no matter what happened, you would not be going home."

He barely shifted his weight, not looking at me.

"Don't you have people who care about you? Do you have a family?"

His voice sounded like gravel, "I had a family."

I walk closer to him, hoping he will open up enough for me to understand what made this brave, stubborn man want to give up everything.

"No one should ever have to outlive their own child."

Oh.

His child. One uniquely special person who was your future embodied, your personal legacy. But he had the opportunity to make such a difference here for so many children, so many families...

"I don't want to die. Your men don't want to die. And these people here don't want to die. It's a shame you're in such a hurry to..."

How could I pull him out of this, help him understand?

I didn't even know where to begin. I turned away, but then the boy, the mischievous boy with the lighter and the big black gun from the crowd, was there.

This child, who had saved my life, and O'Neill's.

This child, who did not want to give up, who believed we could be victorious no matter what, be able to pay whatever the cost, and that everything would somehow be all right in the end.

This child, who would die tomorrow if O'Neill followed his orders.

Maybe that was it, that was the way in. It couldn't be me, it had to be him.

I smiled at the boy, and nodded as he walked past me. I would have to ask Sha'uri his name... I turned back once more, then left them as the boy offered O'Neill a drink. The language they needed to speak to each other went deeper than spoken words. The language of hope and optimism comes from the heart and the soul, not the mind or the tongue.

I returned to the cluster of boys around the fire. Some of them were making more of the bread, mixing the flour with dipperfuls of water and then spreading it to cook on a flat stone at the edge of the fire. That was interesting... They made room for my curiosity, but when I measured out some water, I heard laughter. Not the cruel sound that threatened in my memories, but simply happy laughter. "Why are you laughing?"

"Husbands do not do this work."

Had I misheard, or misunderstood the language? "Husband?" I wasn't married... then I looked up. Sha'uri had just stopped in her tracks, and her expression said that I had missed something. A big something. She looked away from me, walked past me into an alcove.

Stunned, I followed.

She was busying herself grinding flour, but she wasn't able to avoid my gaze. I sat down facing her, and asked as gently as I could, "Married?"

She looked almost angry, or hurt, or something else... "Don't be angry. I didn't tell them."

"Tell them what?"

Now her expression was really confusing.

"That... you did not want me." Her look said, 'well, you didn't want me, did you!' and I was trying vainly to wrap my brain around this concept.

This marvelous, intelligent, beautiful woman thought that I did not want her? How could I possibly explain that my customs were so different... that I had not understood hers... that I could just get lost in her eyes... that life has so much sparkle when she is near...

Stop thinking, Daniel, and just kiss her. There will be time for more explanations later, or not, depending on O'Neill, and she is sitting here feeling rejected and hurt.

She isn't even looking at me.

I place my hand on her chin, and she raises her eyes to mine. Slowly, I lean toward her, and close my eyes. Our lips touch, and she is honey and sweetness and desert spice.

I feel her lean into my embrace after a moment, and somehow whatever happened over the past few days doesn't seem so bad.

We kiss until we are both out of breath, but I don't want to lose contact with her. I take her hand, and we find a soft spot to cuddle among the throws in the alcove. She curls up against my side, and simply says my name, the way no one else has ever said it, "Dan'el..."

"Sha'uri, the customs of my people are different. And without speaking your language, I did not understand."

She looks up at me. Oh, god, I could really lose myself in her eyes alone. I plant a kiss on her forehead to give myself a moment to figure out how to say what I wanted, needed to.

"Marriages for us happen after much more time getting to know each other than we have had. And when you came to me two nights ago, I did not know if you came by your own choice or by obligation. I do not take what is not freely given."

"With you, Dan'el, my choice and the elders' was one. My father, as well."

Oh.

She asked softly, "You do not wish to be married?"

"No, that is not it... this is just sudden, fast." And if that boy didn't convince O'Neill that life was worth living tonight, we might all be dead tomorrow...

She interrupted my increasingly pessimistic thoughts. "You do not wish to be married to me?"

"Oh, no, Sha'uri... I do not know anyone but you who would have me."

She looked absolutely adorable stunned. Then she began to laugh, and her whole body shook with the joy of it. I couldn't help but smile tenderly along with her. When she caught her breath, "Dan'el, you tease me..."

Umm...

She snuggled up against my side tighter. "So your people do things more slowly..."

"Yes." I wrapped a strand of her hair around my finger. I couldn't resist.

"But you wish me as your wife..."

"Yes." I hadn't even paused. What was I thinking? But it was true. She listened to me. She laughed with me. And she obviously wanted me, and wanted me to want her. Other than not knowing her for very long, what more could I ask for? And then there was her beauty, an inner fire that shone like a beacon when she looked at me... but there was something else in her gaze.

She had propped herself up and was looking into my eyes very intently. "Dan'el, I would tell my father the truth, and I would tell him that we are married."

Uh, oh... what did that mean?

Her free hand reached out, feather-light on my chest, one finger twining its way between the buttons.

Oh.

I didn't think I was quite up for that tonight...

But how to explain? Did I need to tell her about the previous night? I really didn't want to talk about it.

I caught her hand in mine, and caught her attention with my eyes. "Sha'uri, I would also that you could tell your father that, but not tonight. I need to hold you, to know that you are real, this night."

She looked a little puzzled. "I am real, Dan'el."

"I know that, Sha'uri. But I did not sleep at all last night, confined in the place of Ra." I couldn't hide the chilling shudder. "And many things do not seem real right now."

Now she was worried again, her forehead wrinkled in the most amazing way. "Most who are taken by Ra never return, or are changed, broken. You are well?"

I sigh. "No. But with your help, I may be." With her, somehow, I feel I can face anything.

"Dan'el..."

"Please just hold me, Sha'uri..."

She did as I asked, and kept the darkness away.


End file.
